Week 22 & 23…in which I weigh up the pro’s and con’s

First up, I feel great. And I’ve actually begun to recognise myself again. Let me explain. I think I’ve suffered from a kind of positive/ opposite form of body dysmorphia. I used to be slim, not skinny, but nicely shaped. Until I was 25 I was a size 10 to 12, small waist, big boobs, very comfortable with my own body image. I went up a size during the next few years (met the love of my life, apparently it can have that effect) and I neither noticed nor cared.

When the weight really piled on (aged 30 to 32 via two pregnancies in as many years and eating like a bear about to go into hibernation) my brain simply refused to recognise the person I saw in the mirror as me. Seriously.  I was like the guy in Shallow Hal the movie with Gwyneth Paltrow – except is was me who was seeing something different to everyone else.

Obviously I KNEW I was extremely overweight – but when I’d catch my reflection my first thought was always ‘who the fuck is THAT?’ closely followed by ‘Oh it’s me, shit, look away, it’s a fat mirror’. Clearly those fat mirrors were EVERYWHERE, but I simply chose to avoid them. So inside my head, for the last 25 years, I’ve been a size 12.

But now, over 2 and a half stone lighter, seeing myself reflected in a shop window I think ‘she looks a bit familiar’. THIS SERIOUSLY IS GOOD NEWS!

So more on the pro’s and con’s.. I’ve thought about the things I miss, and the things I absolutely don’t;

Things I miss

Salt and Vinegar crisp – every make known to man

Sensations Balsamic and Caramelised Onion crisps – the big packet, 2 of them

M&S Dark chocolate Cherry Liqueurs

Being able to eat this (what is it with men than they can eat this stuff and not put on a pound. I only have to sniff a chip and my bra tightens by at least one size).

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Dark chocolate and ginger biscuits

After Eight mints

Laughing at everyone jogging or cycling and thinking ‘I WILL NEVER DO THAT YOU COMPLETE IDIOTS’

Pizza – I never ate it often, but there is something extremely demoralising about ordering a salad while all around you are eating dustbin lid sized cheesy, meaty, melting, gorgeous  thin and crispy pizza

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(BUT Pizza Express do an ‘under 500 calorie’ superfoods salad and its amazing!)

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Full fat cappuccino – with chocolate topping and shot of caramel

Cheese – in all forms…especially camembert, a whole one, baked with garlic, and a loaf of crusty white bread

Duck fat roasted potatoes

The skin off the roast chicken – all of it

Things I don’t miss

My extra chin(s)

Not being able to do up the buckle of my shoe in an elegant way that doesn’t leave my face looking like I’ve just shat a rather large mango.

Reaching the top of a flight of stairs feeling like I need to throw up my lungs, kidney, liver…

Having to discreetly unhook my bra when sitting for long periods (in a cinema or long haul flight) and praying I remember to do it up again when I stand up for fear of scaring small children

White pasta – I don’t care if I never eat it again, brown is the new white

Not being able to see my cheek bones..in fact any bones. If I stand in the right light, hunch my shoulders and lean forward a bit I CAN ACTUALLY SEE MY CLAVICLES!!

That awful feeling when you put on an outfit from last summer and realising that it must have just shrunk – 2 sizes

Going to bed still feeling full from eating a dinner bigger than the size of my head

Asking a shop assistant in an expensive department store to point me in the direction of the ‘large’ sizes only to be told ‘we don’t cater for people your size madam, but I understand there might be places you can go online’ (smug bitch)

Deciding to join the family for a walk, and returning 10 minutes later muttering ‘really sorry, I must have pulled a muscle in my back / leg / finger’

Discovering that hotels only buy towelling robes for skinny people – on my recent Dubai trip the edges of my complementary towelling robe actually MET IN THE MIDDLE!

Having a panic attack at the thought of having to ask for a seat belt extender on a budget airline (actually budget airlines still give me panic attacks, but at least I can now put the tray ALL THE WAY DOWN)

So on balance I can easily give up the good stuff in return for saying goodbye to the bad.

Outcome: I lost 3lbs – running total 35lbs

3 thoughts on “Week 22 & 23…in which I weigh up the pro’s and con’s

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