Week 4…in which I get intimate with a Power Plate

This week a much loved friend booked us in for a joint session with her personal trainer. She really cares about me and wants to help so I said yes (who am I kidding, she gave me absolutely no choice), but to say I wasn’t looking forward to it is like saying that I find Donald Trump mildly irritating. I texted her to check out what was in store. She said:


The gym (VibeFitness) is in Bath, the trainer (Simon) was lovely. Way too nice to hate. But the workout? My worst fucking nightmare. I was introduced to a power plate. Oh I can do that, I thought, don’t I just have to stand on it and let it shake the fat of my body? Well no, not exactly. It was the basis for half the workout – all the torturous bends, jumps, lunges that you’d expect to do in a workout…but on a vibrating plate that shook so violently my glasses nearly fell off. At one point he had me in a superman pose, bent at the waist on one leg with my arm out in front and my other leg up behind me. Not my finest moment. The other half of the workout required the use of an elaborate rope contraption hanging from the rafters that I last saw in 50 Shades of Grey. I quite liked this one, not particularly aerobic, more strength based – and my ego kicked in with ‘this will not get the better of me’ macho bravado. But after 25 years since I last stepped foot in a gym for a proper work out, it was all too much. While my friend was doing some kind of commando style bunny hops on and off the power plates barely breaking a sweat, I found myself sitting on a bench with my head between my knees trying desperately hard not to throw up.


And then came the good bit. My friend had said ‘you’ll love the warm down’ and she wasn’t wrong. The trainer set mats on the floor and asked us to lie on our backs with our lower bodies draped across the power plate. Setting the vibrations on high we lay with our legs and bums being massaged by the plate. Bliss. And then came the REALLY good bit. WE HAD TO TURN OVER ONTO OUR FRONTS! With everything from hips downwards pressing against the power plate this suddenly turned into an actual scene from 50 shades. All woman deserve this. Not just after a workout but EVERY DAY..for at least an hour. I promise you, if sitting on a washing machine floats your boat then an intimate massage by power plate will transport you to another place entirely!

Other stuff:

  1. Straight after the gym and still glowing (for the wrong reasons) we took away a fantastic lunch from my new favorite eatery in the world ‘Beyond the Kale’. If you’re ever in Bath, go here. You’ll want to buy everything – including the home made dark chocolate real coconut bars; Me to shop assistant “OMG, is that like a really, really healthy Bounty bar?” Him; “um..well..everything has calories”. Got to LOVE a healthy eating shop that’s totally honest.

2. I was awarded a Penguin Badge by my Fitbit. I had to look it up. It was for walking 75 miles since I started tracking. Which is the precise number of miles walked by Emperor Penguins to reach their mating grounds. Yes, they walk 75 miles FOR A SHAG!!! I’ll stick to the power plate.


3. I adore The Delaunay for a London lunch meeting. Like a good girl, I had the Wholegrain and Avocado Salad (which was exactly what it said it was)


While my lunchtime companion had this…bastard.


4. I walk to the office and back. I’m deeply ashamed to admit that in the 10 years I’ve lived in my house I have never ONCE walked to the office. It’s a mile and a half. I take the dog to work and decide to walk through the park (what is it with dogs and the number of times they stop to pee? He must go 15 times on a 30 minute walk. I’ve had three kids and my bladder is stronger than that – just). I’m struck by how pretty the journey is, and that my local park has a serious mole problem. To entertain myself from the sheer boredom of walking, I decide to increase my steps by jumping from mole hill to mole hill.

5. My daughter is my friend on Fitbit. We compete – she doesn’t know this, I’m secretly stalking her – and she regularly beats me. I consider letting my dog run round the park with my Fitbit attached to his collar just to wind her up. I’m a really bad mother.

6. I got new trainers. Actually I’ve had them for 4 years BUT HAVE NEVER WORN THEM.

7. Discovered that Waitrose sells freshly made wholegrain noodles. If you’re gonna have carbs have brown carbs – they taste the same but with not a hint of guilt and zero remorse.

8. Great recipe: Chop up a chicken breast, half a pepper, half an onion, a couple of cloves of garlic and a red chilli. Fry all together with a spoon of coconut oil. In separate pan warm up one dessert spoon of crunchy peanut butter, one dessert spoon rice syrup, 3 tablespoons coconut milk, one tablespoon soy sauce. When the chicken’s cooked through add the warmed sauce and combine with half a packet of aforementioned wholegrain noodles. It’s divine.

OUTCOME – I lost 3 pounds….making a cumulative 4 week loss of 15lbs OR 6.8kg